Science-Backed Tips for Coping During Tough Times

In general with sadness, I think it’s important to remember the subtle line between distraction and avoidance. While we definitely want to give ourselves time to acknowledge and process the sadness, I’m aware that at work or on the subway may not be the ideal environment for that. As a result, it can be helpful to turn to something soothing in the moment like a favorite podcast, audiobook, or playlist. It can also be helpful to briefly call a friend or loved one to let them know how you’re feeling and that you could use a little extra support that day.

Additionally, sometimes when we are sad, we find ourselves ruminating and becoming increasingly anxious that we can’t remove ourselves from that cycle. In these moments, I like to turn to things you can access in any moment, such as our breath, and practice ratio breathing (exhaling for twice as long as you inhale).

To get into the science briefly, when we inhale, our heart rate increases and our sympathetic nervous system (the one responsible for fight or flight) is activated because our body thinks it’s preparing to lose oxygen. When we exhale our parasympathetic nervous system (the system responsible for preparing the body for rest and sleep) is activated.

As a result, by exhaling longer than we inhale we are more heavily engaging our parasympathetic system and our body starts to relax, which in turn can soothe our mind and lower our stress and anxiety levels.

Cry! Obviously don’t force yourself, but when we are sad in public, we can sometimes spend so much time trying not to cry that it can be very cathartic to just allow ourselves to cry in a space where we feel comfortable and safe.

Additionally, if you find yourself ruminating and struggling to stop, I recommend a cold shower. Of note, you don’t want the shower to feel refreshingly cold- you almost want it to feel uncomfortable to the point where you can only think about how cold the water is. This can briefly distract our mind and calm ourselves to the point where we can distance ourselves from some of the thoughts that are making us increasingly anxious and sad.

Beyond standard things like exercising, sleeping 7-9 hours a night and giving your body the nutrients it needs, in the peak times of sadness, a routine can be crucial.

We don’t have to do the same thing every day, but it can be helpful to have plans and a schedule that leaves us time to decompress but also keeps us relatively occupied.

Often, the weekends are when we feel the saddest because an open expanse of time can be really upsetting and sometimes a little scary. It can also be a negative cycle because we tend to isolate when we’re sad, and weekends typically give us more time to do this.

With this in mind, try to plan out your weekends (or have a few things in mind you would like to do) and make these plans in advance, as it can be all too easy to back out when the moment comes. That being said, listen to yourself and what you need in the moment, and try not to be too critical if you find yourself wanting to stay home.

Ideally, there would be someone with you during this time to provide comfort and support, so I also recommend reaching out to people (even if you are hesitant to do so) as so often people want to provide support but don’t know what to do or how to provide it.

Lastly, I’m clearly biased but incorporating weekly therapy can be a crucial practice in navigating sadness, especially if this sadness begins to look more like depression or grief. The therapeutic environment can provide a space to reflect upon and understand your emotions better, as well as gain tools on how to manage them.

This web site is provided for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute providing medical advice or professional services.