By Casa de Suna
Published Nov 01
The holidays will be here before we know it, and, while they can come with lots of joy, we’d be remiss not to mention that they can be stressful, too.
And because we always want to be our best selves and make the most of the joyful season, we decided to reach out to Michelle Velan, founder of Wondersource, for tips on setting boundaries, and, well, staying sane during the busiest time of year. Read on for some amazing, actionable tips.
Shop This Article
QUESTION 01What are your mental health strategies for enjoying the holidays without stress?
I stick to my mental fitness routine, which includes guided meditations, visualisation, tapping, walking and journaling, both morning and evening. Just like we support our bodies, I believe we need to proactively nourish our minds daily to connect with our worth, our inner world and stay present in the moment. And when I stick to this, it helps me to stay moving forward towards my vision. I have a gratitude practice where I list out 5 things I’m grateful for every day. And in general, I try to make gratitude a way of life. I find this a lot easier when I slow down and I’m present. I committed to no longer rushing years ago after I had my burnout and it sounds so simple but it’s been so profound for my nervous system. I also focus on my physical health—taking supplements like probiotics (I use seed), magnesium glycinate, Vitamin B, and D3K2, and eating well. I have avoided alcohol for a while now, as it disrupts my sleep. Although I don’t put any rules or restrictions on myself because I’ve never found that to be a helpful approach for myself. Instead, I let myself do what feels right and just live intentionally, and recently that has meant I haven’t wanted to have a drink. Beyond that, I make time for nature—whether it’s a walk, skiing, or simply being outside (weather permitting), nature and exercise have always been so healing and nourishing for me. Another approach I’ve found to be helpful is being more accepting of life. It can be incredibly hard but empowering to let go and allow life to flow naturally. A lot of our suffering comes from resisting our experiences or labelling them as 'good' or 'bad.' By letting things be and releasing the need to assign meaning, we create so much more ease and lightness. I make it a regular practice to confront and challenge limiting beliefs and replace them with more empowering ones. This process is ongoing. For example, if you believe that your holidays are heavy and you neglect your needs, ask yourself: Does it really have to be that way? What else could be true? What else is available for you? Regularly checking in on and reshaping these stories has been life changing. Also, I consciously stay connected to my heart, checking in to ensure it’s open and make sure that I keep practising self-compassion. I find that when my heart isn’t open, I’m less present, happy and focused and I don’t like it. Most importantly, I give myself permission to have fun, relax, connect with my loved ones and be more flexible with my schedule.
QUESTION 01What are your strategies for managing tough moments during the holidays?
Before they start, I take a few minutes to get clear on what’s important to me over the holidays and I set intentions. Do I want to have fun and relax? Do I want to focus on spending time with loved ones? How would I like to feel throughout and after they’re done? What boundaries do I want to set?
If we’re not used to it, we can be scared to set boundaries especially with family, but we don’t have to overcomplicate them. Let’s say we don’t want to talk about an area of our life, it can be as simple as saying something like: “Hey thanks for asking. I’m doing really well. I’m not ready to talk about that right now, but I will let you know when I am.”
Boundaries are there to build connection with ourselves and others. The goal is not to blame or create distance, it’s simply to honour and take care of ourselves and only we know what we need most.
Here are a few examples of boundaries as it really wasn’t clear to me and I find it so empowering when we know:
- I won’t have a drink at a family function if I already feel anxious
- No matter what activities are going on today, I will carve out time for myself to go for a run and meditate because I know it helps me to feel good and centred
- I will not have the same conversations with a relative who makes me feel drained and anxious afterwards
- If my feelings are hurt and it’s a relationship I feel called to improve, I will lovingly speak up with the goal of building greater connection between us
- If I constantly feel not chosen or like my needs don’t matter around a particular person and I have spoken up about my feelings and nothing has changed, I will distance myself and a) look at where I’m not tending to my needs or choosing myself and b) prioritise relationships where I do feel valued and cared for
- I will release judgement of myself and others, I recognise we’re all at different points in our journey’s and no one is better or worse than me and at the same time, not everyone is right for me in this moment
- I will not take responsibility for other people’s emotions
- I will give myself permission to say “No” when I feel called to
- I will not work on the weekends and I will get off email after 6pm
I stick with my consistent morning routine: starting my day with gratitude, meditation, tapping, and nourishing food. This helps set the tone for the day and keeps me grounded.
I also offer myself extra space and compassion when things feel tough. For particularly challenging people or situations, I’ll do cord-cutting rituals or tapping to help clear and process what I’m feeling. I’m also a big fan of the To Be Magnetic platform or reiki sessions for deeper healing work.
Finally, I make it a priority to be present with myself and truly feel my emotions and what’s going on internally. When I’m triggered, I ask myself, 'What am I making this mean?' and challenge that narrative with compassion. For example, if I realize I’m interpreting a situation as 'my needs don’t matter,' I place my hand on my heart and reassure the wounded part of me: 'Your needs absolutely matter. I prioritize you, I love you, and I will always show up for you.' At first, this may feel funny and pointless because intellectually we usually know that our needs matter or that we’re good enough or worthy or whatever your story may be, but we all carry an inner child who in many cases holds some wounds and just wants to be seen, validated and loved mostly by us. When we give that part of ourselves the love and attention it needs, we heal over time.
If you love Michelle’s advice as much as we do, let us know by tagging @casa.de.suna on social media!
